Ergib with a Side Order of Cognitive Dissonance.

I spit this painting out yesterday.  Ergib means dove in Amharic and that is the title of this painting which will be donated.

I booked a trip for my son and I to fly to Ethiopia in the Spring of 2014.  Just he and I.  We will visit some people in the Southern Nations and Nationalities People's region (SNNP).  We will go for about a week.  It will be his second trip to visit Ethiopia since arriving in the U.S. with his adoptive family.

Honestly, I am not that excited about going back to visit Ethiopia.  For many reasons:  1.)  Selfishly, I would rather travel somewhere else, to see a new place. 2.)  It is a super-privileged annoyance to make the long trip down the congested, rustic highway, full of wagons and donkeys and sheep and walkers, from Addis Ababa to SNNP.  3.)  The trip to Ethiopia a year and a half ago, while it went impeccably smooth and was incredibly fulfilling, left me in a pretty serious depression post-return to the U.S. (part of which I believe was due to the malaria medication I took that completely fucked me up, part of which was the emotional impact).  4.)  I don't want to go to Ethiopia to "tour" the country...which as a ferenge is something I will involuntarily end up doing as I know my friends will take us around and treat us as mild royalty the latter which I am not interested in at all.  The idea of staying in fancy lodges and site seeing of hippos and giant birds is not that appealing to me notwithstanding an appreciation for Ethiopia's natural wonders.  And, you know, we've already done that.  We will go with one purpose in mind, to reconnect to certain people.  We did tour last time, and we stayed in a nice hotel on a lake, and we ate nice dinners, and blah blah blah in a country that has for decades echoed in global statistics with its poverty.

I feel the weight of a great obligation the scale of which is a life commitment to take my son to Ethiopia.  I am happy and proud, however, to visit Ethiopia not just because its people and culture are truly beautiful, but because I am taking my son back to reconnect.  I am able to do that.  Which is a big deal because it's hella expensive to fly that far!

I love some things about Ethiopia.  Again, its culture, its people.  But I do not love that country.  Its government is authoritarian and represses its people, jails its journalists, squashes freedom of speech, categorically prevents private land ownership, has entirely failed to prepare Ethiopian migrants for conditions they would face in the Middle East even when those migrants departed on legal visas.  Not to perpetuate the poor African bullshit stereotype that I loathe, but seriously large numbers of people there are suffering in Ethiopia on the daily.  I say this as having been witness to the testament and physical sickness and suffering of my boyfriend who arrived to the U.S. from Ethiopia less than 2 years ago.  One can just go to Ethiopia to see suffering.  But you are looking at it as a ferenge whom just spent thousands of dollars to make the trip, which is psychologically distasteful enough, forget the dissonance if you are open and sensitive enough to feel it and to listen to it in your heart.  To hear the intimate stories and stories and stories of an ex-pat about what life is really like there is something else altogether.

I see many adoptive parents say on Facebook how much they love Ethiopia.  I understand now what a Western privilege it is to blether on and on about how much I, as an American, love that country.  My boyfriend has said he hates that country, his country of origin.  He hates the suffering it inflicts on its people.  We talk often about the realities of what it is like to live there.  The family lost to disease, the shoeless, a friend recently diagnosed with HIV, the wild cost of accessing healthcare and buying anything that might be considered even the most benign luxury item like extra pairs of shirts, that living in a gojo, while gojos are cute, is actually pretty sad given the bankruptcy of amenities and the hardship of life that entails.  He hates the government and with good reason.  Marveling out loud, he is enamored with the idea that we can protest in this country; that Ethiopian-Americans can loudly and energetically protest in front of the Saudi Arabian Embassy in the U.S. and not be brutalized / persecuted by our government as those in Ethiopia were brutalized by theirs. WTF, Ethiopia?

And WTF United States for supporting Ethiopia's authoritarian regime?  Just, what the fuck?

Don't even get me started on the forced divestment of land from rural farmers / families for purposes of foreign "investment".

It's easy to love Ethiopia when you don't have to live there.