Friday, September 20, 2013

Tumbling Down the Hourglass.

Life is teaching me intimately about patience.  One current runs through the variant aspects of my circumstances: an unrelenting cosmic plea for me to have patience.

In the state I live in a married couple must be physically separated for one whole year before either individual can legally file a petition for absolute divorce.  365 days must pass before either individual can commence the legal process toward formal absolution of all.  This requirement is thematically antithetical to the progressive nature of the majority of state policies.  Without urgent, dire grounds there is no circumventing.  What happens in that year's time is a story unto itself, one I am living out in the short, crisp days and the hopelessly long, blue ones that comprise 365.

As I sit here at my work computer, I am desperately awaiting an email from a potential employer regarding a rumored interview I will have in the week to come for a job that would be relatively amazing.  Torturous waiting.  It's a job I would bludgeon a dozen kittens and eat a few rodents to have.

One must have patience particularly with significant others with whom crucial relationships exist and evolve.  When can my ex and I be friends again without all the heavy sadness forming a big, creepy, disdainful blob in between us?  Unshackled from the bonds of marriage, will we see that time eroded the thick layers of hurt and unveiled the authentic friendship that convention once buried?  God I hope so.

When can I truly understand what my now-lover wants from me and is willing to provide me?  When will he?

How long will it take me to save enough money to travel with my son to Ethiopia again?

How long will I have to force myself to do artwork, notwithstanding inspiration, until I feel prolific enough?

Why does a language take so long to learn?

The day I pay off the rest of my credit card debt will be a day of ecstatic rejoicing.

One day.  With hope and faith.

Albert Einstein said that time is an illusion.

Meanwhile, I'm okay today.  I am healthy, I see the world, I love and am loved.






2 comments:

  1. You are loved. I love you. And I love when you write. Please more.

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  2. Yes, I was gonna write what Sue wrote. You are loved! I love that you are writing again! Sorry I didn't come by to read before this. Your state is so messed up with that divorce filing waiting period crap. I had never heard of such a thing. Seriously, so messed up. Here we have to wait 3 months from filing to finalize, and that is reasonable, enough to head off spur of the moment decisions. And wow you know I hear you on how hard it is to know what others want... For me, also hard to know sometimes what exactly I want! But you, yeah, if you know what you want, and are patient about it, you're gonna get it all and more, bella.

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