Crazy Baldheads.

For The Next Five Minutes.

I yoga'd last Saturday morning.  At the end of the class, the yoga instructor said:  Lay down, close your eyes.  Relax every part of your body.  For the next five minutes all of your needs will be met.

That last statement really struck me and resonated long thereafter.

How often in life are we told:  For the next X amount of minutes / hours / days / weeks / months / for the next year, ALL of your needs will be met?  Stated with conviction its a precision eliminator for 90% of preoccupations.  Sure, we may still worry about whether our loved ones' needs are met, but afterall their needs are an extension of our needs in a way at least.

I need to say that to my five year old.  For the next 5 minutes et al, all your needs will be met.  I don't know that he will understand it yet though, as I'm not sure he grasps the concept of what his needs truly are.  He conflates his needs with acquiring the next pricey Transformer Rescue Bot toy from a retail store whimsical desires.

Also, I found some joy in a little, teensy something I accomplished.  You know that axiom about honey attracting?  My son is in kindergarten now.  Last year he was in preschool.  While in preschool, he had this teacher/school helper that was from Uganda.  Her son was also in preschool.  My son adored her son.  She, however, was quite cold to approach.  I projected my paranoia onto her and decided she did not much like non-Black people or had a distaste for our non-trad family dynamic.  That did not deter me from inviting her family over for a play date last year even though up to that point she had pretty much refused to even hold a conversation with me or reciprocate my smile.  She accepted my invite, however, and the day they came over I made some tasty chicken salad and some fresh heirloom salsa, bought fresh kaiser rolls and blue corn tortilla chips.  Our sons had a blast together that day.  Which resulted in me winning her over.  I'm not always a champion at killing with kindness, but I have my moments.  We haven't seen them much since that day due to a busy summer and loads of transitions.  But in the interim she searched for me (as I had changed my phone number).  Finally, I talked to her yesterday and she invited us over same day!  We couldn't go, but we made plans to see each other in a few weeks.  Yeah!

Tumbling Down the Hourglass.

Life is teaching me intimately about patience.  One current runs through the variant aspects of my circumstances: an unrelenting cosmic plea for me to have patience.

In the state I live in a married couple must be physically separated for one whole year before either individual can legally file a petition for absolute divorce.  365 days must pass before either individual can commence the legal process toward formal absolution of all.  This requirement is thematically antithetical to the progressive nature of the majority of state policies.  Without urgent, dire grounds there is no circumventing.  What happens in that year's time is a story unto itself, one I am living out in the short, crisp days and the hopelessly long, blue ones that comprise 365.

As I sit here at my work computer, I am desperately awaiting an email from a potential employer regarding a rumored interview I will have in the week to come for a job that would be relatively amazing.  Torturous waiting.  It's a job I would bludgeon a dozen kittens and eat a few rodents to have.

One must have patience particularly with significant others with whom crucial relationships exist and evolve.  When can my ex and I be friends again without all the heavy sadness forming a big, creepy, disdainful blob in between us?  Unshackled from the bonds of marriage, will we see that time eroded the thick layers of hurt and unveiled the authentic friendship that convention once buried?  God I hope so.

When can I truly understand what my now-lover wants from me and is willing to provide me?  When will he?

How long will it take me to save enough money to travel with my son to Ethiopia again?

How long will I have to force myself to do artwork, notwithstanding inspiration, until I feel prolific enough?

Why does a language take so long to learn?

The day I pay off the rest of my credit card debt will be a day of ecstatic rejoicing.

One day.  With hope and faith.

Albert Einstein said that time is an illusion.

Meanwhile, I'm okay today.  I am healthy, I see the world, I love and am loved.

Just Send a Hug.

Sometimes when you are having a hard time, its nice to get an email from a clever friend:

Hi Cee,

"Nation Currently More Sympathetic To Demise Of Planet Krypton Than Plight of Syria"  - you can guess what I was just reading.  I wish people would lay off Obama; it's an impossible situation.

 

I need a break from constantly scanning job descriptions so what can I say.  How is it going?  I wish we could have had more time together when you were up here.  I cannot get over what a little man your son is becoming.  I got my first paycheck last week, and I will be working at least 3 full days this week (while continuing to look for full-time work) so I'm going to save my money and come down and see you guys.  I want to meet the cat and see your new place. 

 

Not much new here.  I am glad for the advent (wishful thinking, maybe) of fall.  I am really awfully tired of sweating.  Georgie and Ned are still in Maine - they drive home Saturday.  Apparently, miracle of miracles, the baby peacocks are doing well - only lost one so far, which is highly unusual.  How's the job?  I think of you often and hope that it's getting easier for you.  I am having weekly therapy sessions with a crazy man, but he's smart so I like to hear what he says.  A former extremely violent criminal and diagnosed sociopath (see, you like him already, don't you?) who I hope will help me untangle the knots in my brain. 

 

Spent a lot of time on trains the last week or so, so I am reading a lot.  Just finished "The Last Picture Show" by Larry McMurtry.  Kind of carries you along despite being depressing and somewhat grotesque, but that's sort of how he writes.  And I read "A Farewell To Arms" by Ernest Hemingway.  It was okay, but didn't move me like some of his other stuff.  Also read a thriller by some right-wing writer where the Navy SEALs make the world safe for America's continuing oil supply.  You can imagine.

 

Anyway, just wanted to say hi and send a hug.